It’s now been about a year since the launch of Minnesota Sports
Emporium. We will have a full Fiscal Year Recap in the next, oh I dunno, month
or so (Who are you, our investors?? Hold your horses.) for as our winter
extends into probably mid-April, so too does our collective writing hibernation
instinct. If we posted articles at a more glacial pace than we already do, we’d
probably have broken off the Arctic Ice Sheet, drifted southward and melted
already (TERRIBLE GLOBAL WARMING PUN: PRE-EMPTIVE APOLOGY)!
But with March Madness ready to kick into high gear, that means the
playoff push is already underway for two of Minnesota’s professional teams and
two of our high-profile collegiate teams as well. MSE has enlisted the services
of MIT’s Postseason Success Predictor 8680 (pictured above the jump) to help us analyze the near-future
prospects of each of these squads, giving us a sense of what we can look
forward to in the coming weeks and, I like to think, teaching us a little bit
about ourselves in the process.
The Postseason Success Predictor takes the rosters and recent results
of a squad, weighs them against the general strengths and threats
posed by the rest of the respective leagues, and spits out three Performance
Indicators, which we at MSE have been trained to interpret and discuss at
length. Those three indicators include two numerical values—a metric for
Postseason Entry prospects and one that measures chances at Postseason Success,
both graded on a 1-100 scale—as well as the PSP 8680-exclusive Spirit Animal
Estimator. The SAE grades each team’s tenacity, determination, and pluckiness
to determine who in the animal kingdom, on a scale from Field Mouse to Lion
Shark, best represents a team’s character and fortitude. Much as you might pick
the winner of a contest in your NCAA Tournament based on who has the better
mascot, the SAE animal selection quotients pretty accurately depict who could
probably beat who in a head-to-head nature brawl.
The Timbas' injury-fueled tailspin has continued well into its
third month, as Minnesota sits
last in the Northwest Division with a record of 23-41 after last night's
victory over the Hornets, 12th in the Western Conference and closer to the worst
record in the league than a playoff spot. But even with that win, Minnesota
has gone 10-30 since their win over the Thunder on December 20th. Five games
later, Kevin Love re-broke his hand and won't be back for another 2 or 3 weeks.
He's been on the court with Ricky for less than three quarters' worth of game
time this entire season.
 |
| Here, Ricky teaches Spur Matt Bonner about the power of Dance. |
For a team that seems perpetually stuck in the mud, searching for
silver linings in yet another lost season--especially one that started with
such promise--might seem like a fool's errand. But a few recent positive
developments are worth mentioning. During last night's telecast, Dave Benz remarked
that Derrick Williams has seen the highest points per game increase in the
entire NBA since the All-Star Break, and he buttressed that stat with a
career-high 28 points last night. And everyone's favorite Little Ricky Rubio is back up to full speed and playing incredibly well, almost averaging a 15-10 double-double
in February and posting his first career triple-double against the Spurs last
Tuesday.
PSP 8680 Results:
POSTSEASON ENTRY RATING: 8 (ELEVEN GAMES BEHIND THE 8TH-SEEDED
LAKERS WITH 18 GAMES TO PLAY)
POSTSEASON SUCCESS RATING: 2 (ABSOLUTE BEST-CASE SCENARIO: AN 18-GAME
WINNING STREAK TO END SEASON LEADS INTO A 4-1 FIRST ROUND DEFEAT TO SAN
ANTONIO. THANKS FOR PLAYING.)
SPIRIT ANIMAL: PIGLET FROM WINNIE THE POOH.
Back-to-back wins over Northwest Division rivals Colorado
have vaulted the Wild into first place and the number-three playoff seed going
into tonight's contest against Vancouver .
Both Minnesota and the Canucks
have 32 points in 27 games, but the Wild hold the tie-breaker currently with
two more regulation wins than the 'Couve. Though the season still feels like
it's in the early phases, the Wild will only have 20 more games on their 2013
schedule after tonight's match-up.
At times, the Wild's dominant dump-and-chase approach has netted some
frustrating viewing experiences as teams like Chicago
and Anaheim have had no problem
blowing past Wild guys in the neutral zone and setting up their offense without
having to scrap at the half-boards on 10 or 12 straight possessions. But after experiencing some early season
scoring struggles, the Wild have scored at least three goals in 5 of their past
7 contests. Tonight will be Minnesota 's
seventh attempt at attaining a three-game winning streak; they've lost in
regulation in their previous six tries this season. The squad's big offseason
investment have been paying off in spades lately, with defenseman Ryan "The Wisconsin Justin Morneau" Suter
putting up 14 points (2 G, 12 A) and winger Zach Parise 10 points (4 G, 6 A) in
the team's last 10 games.
PSP 8680 Results:
POSTSEASON ENTRY RATING: 64 (NOTE: HIGH MARGIN OF ERROR DUE TO
SHORTENED SEASON)
POSTSEASON SUCCESS RATING: 43 (ARE THE BLACKHAWKS
IN THE WESTERN CONFERENCE? ENTRY: Y. OH, WELL THEN. LIKELIHOOD OF STANLEY CUP
FINALS APPEARANCE: 2.15 PERCENT)
SPIRIT ANIMAL: A FLAMING, GOLDEN HAWK.
MINNESOTA GOLDEN GOPHERS BASKETBALL
Associated Press writer Jon Krawcynski said last week on Dan Barreiro’s
KFAN show that Tubby Smith might be out the door as Gophers’ basketball coach
if the team cannot win two games in this year’s tournament. If that’s actually
the case, then Tubby’s Team of Talented Underachievers might just have a
fighting chance to save their head man’s job. The Gophers’ first-round
opponent, Pac-12 Tournament runners-up and 6-seed UCLA, just lost their 2nd-leading
scorer, Jordan Adams, to a broken foot. The Bruins were a team that had really
been gelling in the run-up to the Big Dance but faced some inner turmoil (and
coaching change rumors) of their own earlier in the season when center Joshua Smith and junior Tyler Lamb left the team during the non-conference portion of the schedule.
 |
| Tubby: "Can I have one more season, ref?" |
Should the Gophers dispatch UCLA on Friday night, their next opponent
would likely be Florida , a 3-seed
that has made back-to-back Elite Eight trips. Florida ’s
been the ultimate front-running team this year, as they have gone 26-1 in games
where the scoring margin was 10 or more points but did not win any of their six
contests that were decided by 9 or less points. In contrast, Minnesota
went 6-7 in games decided by less than 10 points. But the Gophers are also 3-7
in their last 10 games and have lost 11 of their last 16 games. So projecting
them to win more than 1 in a row against anyone right now is a big stretch.
PSP 8680 Results:
POSTSEASON ENTRY RATING: 100 (THEY ARE ALREADY IN THE TOURNAMENT,
STUPID.)
POSTSEASON SUCCESS RATING: 30 (LIKELIHOOD OF FIRST ROUND VICTORY: 46.53
PERCENT, LIKELIHOOD OF SWEET 16 APPEARANCE: 10.43 PERCENT)
SPIRIT ANIMAL: IRONICALLY, A GOPHER. HA HA.
The Men of Mariucci had themselves a thriller of a weekend as they
clinched themselves a spot in the WCHA's final Final Five before the
conference's restructure and the Gophers' move to the new Big Ten hockey
conference next year. Minnesota
scored victories over Bemidji State 23-1-1
in those games.
 |
| "Kyle the Smile," smilin' like Kyle smiles. |
For their Saturday encore, Minnesota twice battled back from two two-goal deficits to nip Bemidji State 4-3, as sophomore defenseman Ben "Benny"
Marshall (nicknames are kind of Silky's thing) stuck a backhand shot 5-hole on
Bemidji goalie Andrew Walsh for the game winner with 53 seconds left. With the
win, Gophers goalie Adam Wilcox earned his 25th win on the season; one more and
he'll have the Gophers' rookie record for wins in a single campaign all to
himself. and they'll play an as-yet-undetermined foe in the Final Five semis at
the XCel Center
PSP 8680 Results:
POSTSEASON ENTRY RATING: 99 (THERE IS ALWAYS A NON-ZERO CHANCE THE MAN
RUNNING THE PAIRWISE RANKINGS COULD MAKE AN EGREGIOUS OMISSION, FOR HE IS NOT A
COMPUTER.)
POSTSEASON SUCCESS RATING: 85 (LIKELIHOOD OF FROZEN FOUR APPEARANCE:
70.42 PERCENT)
SPIRIT ANIMAL: ALSO IRONICALLY, A TIMBERWOLF. HA HA, I AM ON FIRE WITH
THE JOKES TODAY.
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