"Set Two $100 Bills On Fire": The Twins in 2013

This is Part 3 of a 7-part look-back at what happened in Minnesota sports over the past 12 months. Some of these stories are obviously figments of my imagination. A couple actually happened. These are the tales, imageries, conversations, and visualizations that best described, at least for me, what it meant to be a Minnesota sports fan over the past 12 months.

Courtesy of AaronGleeman.com.

Three friends and I went in on a Minnesota Twins 20-game season ticket plan for the 2012 season. We held two seats just to the right of the bullpens in the right field bleachers. 2011 had been a disappointing, injury-riddled year for a Twins team that had been expected to challenge in the American League, the year when only three position players made it through 100 games, Tsuyoshi Nishioka broke out and Drew Butera played in 93 games and posted a .449 OPS—a figure that I think could have been matched by either of Joe Mauer’s at-that-point-unborn twin girls.

"Well, At Least We Got a Point": The Wild in 2013

This is Part 2 of a 7-part look-back at what happened in Minnesota sports over the past 12 months. Some of these stories are obviously figments of my imagination. A couple actually happened. These are the tales, imageries, conversations, and visualizations that best described, at least for me, what it meant to be a Minnesota sports fan over the past 12 months.

Cal Clutterbuck, commencing his traditional post-goal rendition of "The Circle of Life." Courtesy of the AP.

The game proceeded as most other high-stakes contests had during the time I had known these guys. Tense stretches of rising action followed by Vesuvius bursts of unfettered emotion: directed at refs, at the personal shortcomings of opposing players, at the heroics of Josh Harding, the Wild’s emergency man-between-the-pipes.

A first period Cal Clutterbuck tally sent us into raptures, but an absolute snipe by Marian Hossa late in the second equalized for the host Blackhawks. The shots piled up for Chicago, but Josh Harding went low, went high, and stayed in front of everything the world-class opposition could throw at him. The game trickled into overtime, and star Zach Parise had a clear shot from in front that goalie Corey Crawford kicked just wide.

0-for-Vegas, or: Aneurysms for Everyone! Gophers Men's Basketball in 2013

This is Part 1 of a 7-part look-back at what happened in Minnesota sports over the past 12 months. Some of these stories are obviously figments of my imagination. A couple actually happened. These are the tales, imageries, conversations, and visualizations that best described, at least for me, what it meant to be a Minnesota sports fan over the past 12 months.

“Bud Light Lime-a-Rita TALL BOYS. Shit will HIT YOU QUICK,” said Ron, in reference to the 8% alcohol-by-volume drink that was inexplicably lumped in with other pretender beverages in the “2-for-$10” cooler in a long hallway at the Tropicana. We both bought one for each hand and headed to the sports book because we knew that the best way to watch the maddening roller-coaster that was the under-utilized talent of the 2012-13 Gophers basketball team was with a steady dose of lime-flavored sugar-booze coursing through one’s bloodstream.