If You Don't Have Any Pitchers, Do Just The Catchers Report? Your 2017 "Feelin' It in Fort Myers!" Twins Season Preview

Joe and Justin stop being polite and start getting real. Courtesy of SI.

Oh, how I long for the days of Johan for eight innings and Joe Nathan flappin’ his gums and slammin’ the door. How I pine for another year with Francisco Liriano’s garbage-pail filthy slider. Really, how I would tolerate a season of Brad Radke, Rick Reed, and Sweatin’ Out the Ninth with Everyday Eddie.

For someone who purports to be a keen Minnesota sports observer, I am grossly unqualified to write a Minnesota Twins preview this year. I can name three pitchers on the current team: Ervin Santana, Trevor May, and I Think We Still Have Glen Perkins. Is Ricky Nolasco still cashing checks that feature the Twins watermark? (Yes, but he won’t be pitching for us; the Twins will pay $4m of his salary while he blows chunks for the Angels.) Is Carl Pavano and his patented “Pav ‘Stache” still in the league? (Huh? No.) How about “Fireball Phil” Hughes, is he still in the rotation? (Yes.) Do we have a bullpen? (The physical structure? Yes. Pitchers to fill the structure? Debatable.)

"Set Two $100 Bills On Fire": The Twins in 2013

This is Part 3 of a 7-part look-back at what happened in Minnesota sports over the past 12 months. Some of these stories are obviously figments of my imagination. A couple actually happened. These are the tales, imageries, conversations, and visualizations that best described, at least for me, what it meant to be a Minnesota sports fan over the past 12 months.

Courtesy of AaronGleeman.com.

Three friends and I went in on a Minnesota Twins 20-game season ticket plan for the 2012 season. We held two seats just to the right of the bullpens in the right field bleachers. 2011 had been a disappointing, injury-riddled year for a Twins team that had been expected to challenge in the American League, the year when only three position players made it through 100 games, Tsuyoshi Nishioka broke out and Drew Butera played in 93 games and posted a .449 OPS—a figure that I think could have been matched by either of Joe Mauer’s at-that-point-unborn twin girls.

Snow Joke: The New Minnesota Twins and the End of an Absurdly Long Winter

After splitting a double-header with the Miami Marlins and their new manager “Red Dog” Redmond yesterday, your Minnesota Twins sit at 9-8 as the 2013 season nears the end of its first month. And the temperature finally hit 50 degrees in the Twin Cities today, only a month and three days after the start of spring and two days after the 4th or 5th measurable snow storm of April. Crews at Target Field had to hustle in order to clear Tuesday night’s snow from the field and stands to prepare the stadium for yesterday’s two-game docket. For those scoring at home, we have two professional sports teams in this state winning more than half their games AT THE SAME TIME!!! right now, the first time we can claim that since the fall of 1979.* Like the 2012 Vikings, this year’s Twins were almost unanimously picked to finish at or near the bottom of the AL Central this year, but they find themselves in an unexpectedly high spot in the division right now. They would be one game out of a playoff spot if the season ended today.**

*Not a correct statistic.
 **...That one checks out.

Tuesday Mus-Day (On Thursday): Bruff's Summer Playlist, Part I

Craig Finn of the Hold Steady. Huge Twins fan.

June of 2009 was a time of gorgeous weather and great expectations. I had just graduated from Gustavus Adolphus (along with fellow contributors Tony and SilkyJ), I was all set to start a Masters program at the University of Minnesota in the fall, and I aced an interview for a summer position at a market research company in the meantime. To celebrate, I went shopping for some work clothes and put together two 15-song playlists that amplified my optimistic mood and just screamed "summertime" out of every track.