If You Don't Have Any Pitchers, Do Just The Catchers Report? Your 2017 "Feelin' It in Fort Myers!" Twins Season Preview

Joe and Justin stop being polite and start getting real. Courtesy of SI.

Oh, how I long for the days of Johan for eight innings and Joe Nathan flappin’ his gums and slammin’ the door. How I pine for another year with Francisco Liriano’s garbage-pail filthy slider. Really, how I would tolerate a season of Brad Radke, Rick Reed, and Sweatin’ Out the Ninth with Everyday Eddie.

For someone who purports to be a keen Minnesota sports observer, I am grossly unqualified to write a Minnesota Twins preview this year. I can name three pitchers on the current team: Ervin Santana, Trevor May, and I Think We Still Have Glen Perkins. Is Ricky Nolasco still cashing checks that feature the Twins watermark? (Yes, but he won’t be pitching for us; the Twins will pay $4m of his salary while he blows chunks for the Angels.) Is Carl Pavano and his patented “Pav ‘Stache” still in the league? (Huh? No.) How about “Fireball Phil” Hughes, is he still in the rotation? (Yes.) Do we have a bullpen? (The physical structure? Yes. Pitchers to fill the structure? Debatable.)

Snow Joke: The New Minnesota Twins and the End of an Absurdly Long Winter

After splitting a double-header with the Miami Marlins and their new manager “Red Dog” Redmond yesterday, your Minnesota Twins sit at 9-8 as the 2013 season nears the end of its first month. And the temperature finally hit 50 degrees in the Twin Cities today, only a month and three days after the start of spring and two days after the 4th or 5th measurable snow storm of April. Crews at Target Field had to hustle in order to clear Tuesday night’s snow from the field and stands to prepare the stadium for yesterday’s two-game docket. For those scoring at home, we have two professional sports teams in this state winning more than half their games AT THE SAME TIME!!! right now, the first time we can claim that since the fall of 1979.* Like the 2012 Vikings, this year’s Twins were almost unanimously picked to finish at or near the bottom of the AL Central this year, but they find themselves in an unexpectedly high spot in the division right now. They would be one game out of a playoff spot if the season ended today.**

*Not a correct statistic.
 **...That one checks out.

The Week in Review: Heat Wave Edition

"Hot enough for ya?" is the kind of thing annoying people say when they want to get punched in the face. Yes, Ned, it was hot enough for most of America last week; more than 3,800 record highs were recorded across the country as temperatures soared and sizzled in the 90s and 100s across much of the nation. In considering how our local sports teams have resembled this heat wave over the past week, we must remember and assign value to the good things associated with high temps (Kiddie pools! Free sidewalk grilling!) with the less good things (Drought! Excessive heat warnings!) To the recaps: