Full Court Distress: A Running Diary of a Failure-Filled Thursday Night

Dan Barreiro asked his producer how much longer he had to hype the Minnesota-Michigan basketball game before it was scheduled to begin. Justin Gaard answered that he had about 14 minutes and change. At that moment, I pulled into the driveway of the house I share with Tony D and two other guys. One of those two is a tall blonde fellow named Tom. The following is a depressing and somewhat inaccurate narrative describing last night's major sporting events from Tom's and my perspective.

Did I Miss Anything? A Retrospective: Red Sox 11, Twins 2

I'm really glad that my friend Silky had such a great time at the Twins-Angels game last week. He got to see a Twins victory, which must have been a lot of fun. I dunderheadedly decided that this would be the season I would become (part of) a (group of friends who went in on a 20-game pack and, subsequently and fractionally became a) Twins season ticket holder. What great luck. In honor of the Twins second 2-game winning streak of the year (Tigers SUCK!), here is a retrospective of the events that took place around Target Field while my dad and I sort of paid attention to a Twins blowout loss on April 24.

Headache in Aitkin: Stumbling Upon the Minnesota Concussion Memorial (MelAnChoLy in Minnesota: Part II)

The journey home from Virginia was a somber one. Recent Ligament Induction Panel meetings have been long and taxing, and this one was no different. The weary cynicism was written on our faces as we stared out the rain-soaked car windows in silence. We were passing through Aitkin, one of the many beautiful small towns on the road up to the Iron Range, when a cacophony of bells broke our silence.

Did I Miss Anything? Gophers-Stanford NIT Championship

In which your narrator turns off a Minnesota sports contest in disgust, purporting to know enough about the team and its players to fill in a rough sketch of what probably happened during the rest of the game.

The situation: Stanford led 44-28 with 13+ minutes left in the game.

The catalyst: Andre Hollins bricks one 3-pointer, then air balls another in a 3-second span.

My roommate, Tony, farted, then said, "Excuse me, I just Gophered." I asked if we could watch something else.