MelAnChoLy in Minnesota Part IV: Reconstructive Surgery

Adrian Peterson tries out his reconstructed knee against the Jaguars. Find out how the folks at the Ligament Graveyard dealt with his amazing comeback season below.

John watched as the last of the contractors exited the graveyard. His gaze lingered as the gate swung shut slowly, and audibly. John took a deep, cold breath, satisfied that he was finally alone. His breath condensed into a vapor around him as he exhaled. He turned around to face the effigy of Al Harris that had been warming his back, and held out his hands close to the smoldering straw man as he tried to regain some feeling in his fingers. It was barely five in the evening, and the sun had already gone down; not unusual for this time of year in northern Minnesota. As his hands warmed up, John looked over at the massive limestone structure nearby, which until a few minutes before, had housed a half dozen independent contractors as they renovated the building. The contractors had just finished the final touches, and as head groundskeeper at Greenwood Cemetery in Virginia, MN, it was John’s duty to inspect the work done on the cemetery’s most brilliant mausoleum. 

Offseason Report: Timbas Edition

KLove has gone on record saying the Timbas need to improve significantly. Lets see if Kahn and Co. were listening.

I’ve wanted to do one of these for a while now, but the timing was never right (as we found out before). So, I waited. I waited for free agency to start. I waited for the Nicolas Batum saga to come to a close. I was ready to do a write up, but the signings kept coming in. It wasn’t until these last 24 hours when I felt comfortable enough to declare the Timbas’ offseason complete and, more importantly, a resounding success.

The End of Clippergeddon

Rather than lead with a picture of Marko Jaric's beady eyes, or of Sam Cassell's alien head, I decided to go with a pic of Marko Jaric's better half, aka Adriana Lima. Helloooo pageviews :)

One summer day in August, 2005, the Minnesota Timberwolves traded Sam Cassell and a conditional first round draft pick to the LA Clippers for Marko Jaric and Lionel Chalmers. For seven years Timbas fans have dreaded Clippergeddon, the year we would finally have to give up that pick. This year was the year. The conditional draft pick has turned into the 10th pick of the 2012 NBA Draft, and belongs to the New Orleans Hornets following the Chris Paul trade. With that pick, the Hornets selected Austin Rivers, son of Boston Celtics head coach Doc Rivers. Doc Rivers and the Celtics won the NBA Championship in 2008. And who should be on that roster in 2008 for one last championship run before retirement? None other than Sam Cassell.

There's some good storytellers out there in the world. Who among them could make up something like that?

NBA Draft: Timing is Everything...

David Kahn can't Kahntain his smile anymore after pulling a fast one on SilkyJ

KAAAAAAHHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!! Ok, I just needed to get that out of my system. Not even 12 hours after writing and posting a draft preview article, David Kahn goes and trades the 18th pick to the Rockets for Chase Budinger and Lior Eliyahu (more like Eliya-who, amirite?). And if I know anything, it’s that this whole pre-draft trade situation is going to get even more Kahnvoluted. Stay tuned below the fold where I take a look at Budinger and try, futilely, to predict what Kahn will do next.

NBA Draft 2012: The Wrath of Kahn

POBO David Kahn stifles a smile as he thinks of those about to suffer his wrath

With the NBA Finals finally finished, it’s time to move on to every Minnesota fan’s favorite part of the season: the offseason. Our beloved Timbas come into this offseason seemingly one piece away from being a playoff team.  Below the jump, we take a look at where this piece will fit it, why the position is such a glaring need, and who (if any) in the draft will be able to come in and address the issue.

Silky on Soccer and Real-Time Fandom

Alessandro Del Piero waves to the fans after his last home game in the black and white stripes.

 

May has been an incredible month for soccer. The seasons of the major leagues around Europe have concluded. Each country’s respective Cup competition has been decided. The Champions League final has come and gone. This past month has been great not just for fans of particular teams, but for fans of the beautiful game as a whole. Below the jump, I’ll recount some of the major happenings in the footballing world, and examine how my loyalties as a fan shifted during the course of some of these matches.

I Was There: Twins Win!

Twins win! as you may or may not be able to tell from the crummy cell-phone pic.

The Twins took on the California Angels of Los Angeles via Anaheim™ Tuesday night, and our good friend n00b was kind enough to offer me a ticket to the game. I couldn’t refuse n00b’s generosity, but my hopes were low, as the forecast called for rain, and the Twins’ play of late has been...less than stellar. Let’s just say that, on both accounts, I was pleasantly surprised.

NFL Draft 2012: The Late Round Additions Edition

It was certainly an eventful first day for the Vikings. They moved down one spot and still got their guy, Matt Kalil, OT, Southern California. Then, they drafted Harrison Smith, S, Notre Dame, the exact guy that I would have been writing about in this article had we not traded back into the first round to go get him. They’ve got a whole slew of picks left in the later rounds, so let’s take a look at some of the players Spielman and Co. will be targeting.

NFL Draft 2012 Preview: Please, sir, I want some Mo’

If that line weren’t enough to make you want the Vikings to draft Morris ‘Mo’ Claiborne, I’ve got a few more reasons here that will help you change your mind.

Headache in Aitkin: Stumbling Upon the Minnesota Concussion Memorial (MelAnChoLy in Minnesota: Part II)

The journey home from Virginia was a somber one. Recent Ligament Induction Panel meetings have been long and taxing, and this one was no different. The weary cynicism was written on our faces as we stared out the rain-soaked car windows in silence. We were passing through Aitkin, one of the many beautiful small towns on the road up to the Iron Range, when a cacophony of bells broke our silence.

Game of Groans: The Week in Review

Tough week for sports fans in Minnesota (or as I call it, Wester-gross). Here’s a brief summary:

I Don't Know Golf, But I Take Requests: SilkyJ's Saturday Masters 'Preview'

Disclaimer: I don’t golf. I never have. If I ever do, I will require a 200 handicap. I am very bad. The extent of my golf experience? Putt-putt at Valleyfair. I was bored and no one wanted to hang out with me during our 10^th grade field trip, so I went and played 3 rounds of Valleyfair putt-putt by myself. Very, very poor scores. Double bogey golf, as an aficionado might say. Damn windmill.

Unlike the Gopher hockey article, which started with a similar disclaimer, I have watched golf before. I am familiar with the practice and rote memorization (and luck) necessary for a successful round of golf. I’ve never done it myself, but having witnessed practice rounds at Hazeltine in person, I see the pressure inherent in preparing for such a tournament.

Your 2012 Minnesota Twins Season Preview: A Rational Roundtable Discussion

Tony Davis: 75/1.

“Moneyball,” the recent Academy Award nominee for “Best Picture,” taught viewers one golden rule regarding baseball: Statistics matter. It is possible for teams to base projections off of numbers and mathematical equations. Batting average, OBP, ERA, WHIP, and hundreds of other statistical categories define the game of baseball in the modern era. For the sake of this season preview, let’s focus on one ratio. 75/1. These are the current odds for the Minnesota Twins to win the World Series in 2012. 

Return to Normalcy: A Gopher Hockey Analysis & Frozen Four Preview

Freshman Kyle Rau (18 goals, 25 assists) and sophomore Nick Bjugstad (25 G, 17 A) are two of the top reasons the Gophers have re-emerged this season from a brief spell of mediocrity.

Disclaimer: I know very little about hockey. I know even less about Minnesota Golden Gopher Hockey. The highest level hockey game I have ever attended was the MIAC championships at Gustavus Adolphus. My only connection to Gopher hockey comes from that one time I hung out with former center Patrick White at college. So keep this in mind as we delve, together, into some relatively new (for me) territory of Minnesota fandom.

Game of the Week Breakdown: A Timbas-Celtics ‘Recap’

Bruff, TWick and I watched the first half of the Timbas-Celtics game last night,hoping to see our beloved Pups come out with some fire and energy after KG’s absurd comments about the Timberwolves franchise. We were hoping to see a youngteam on the rise (everybody’s talking about them, including…Pegasus?) takedown the aging superpower, a shell of its former championship-caliber squad.

We didn’t see any of that.

Da Goofers: An Introduction to Silky J

Before I get started here, I’d like to take a second to allow myself to introduce… myself (Austin Powers joke at the very beginning… not a good start). My name’s Erik, but I’m known as Silky J around these parts. I’ll be contributing things on here from time to time, hopefully with a voice and perspective distinct from Bruff’s. I will often defer to him because he’s not only more knowledgeable and more passionate than I am (Which is saying a lot; I’m neither stupid nor apathetic.) but he’s also much more eloquent with the written word than I am. (Editor’s Note: Full Disclosure--I paid Silky $16,535.00 to say that.) All that said, I’m sure I’ll find my niche, and I’ll end up contributing posts that are as rewarding for you to read as they are for me to write.